Work Hard For the Comps

The "work" day is going well. I put the word work in quotations, because it seems that writers sometimes get no respect for what they do. I mean, my family gives me heck about sitting around the house all day in my BVDs and staring at the ceiling or the water in the pool. But I am constantly working.....

Since my book, "Growing Up Doughnut" was released about a month ago, I have done less writing and thinking and more talking on the phone. Don't get me wrong, I love talking (as you may well remember) and the sound of my own voice sometimes mesmerizes me into a state of self-importance. But since my efforts at marketing are going along bumpily ( I get more no's than yes's) I need to find time to write and think more.

The book marketing is an entity on its own, and I am sure that if I had an agent, that person would be doing this for their percentage of the $1.77 cent royalty I get on each book. There is mailing costs to promoters and book buyers, bookstores, reviewers, TV stations, radio outlets, as well as family and friends. Shy of taking out a full page ad in a major paper, or even a half page advertisement, this marketing stuff is tough. And expensive.

I need a doughnut shop to step up and say, "We'll sponsor you, Doughnut!" and give me some cash to be their spokesperson. I need a major morning news show like "Today" to call (Channel 3, WCIA TV in Champaign, IL has booked me already!), or even "Ellen" or "Oprah" to take notice. My peeps are getting the word out now, and maybe Barnes and Noble or TARGET will carry the book! Wouldn't that be a hoot! I could be on a TARGET ad with a big red dot on my face... or a doughnut hole in the dot... Wait! I know! Sam's Club! I could do a whirl wind tour of Sam's Clubs and do autographs.....Ken Levine needs to read my book and contact me about turning it into a situation comedy...Maybe Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady could use the book to do for doughnuts what they did for nerds in "Big Bang Theory!"

I can see it now... Pulitzer, Emmy, Oscar; all the biggies. But you know, the accolades I love the most? The ones I get from .....

JERKY AND THE CORNJERKER NATION!

Doughnut