I love my wife. Throughout the 35 years+ we have been together, she has never ceased to amaze me. She has rarely surprised me, though. On Thursday, however, she accomplished a major surprise. It was major not because of what it was, but because of how many people were involved. Dorothy had to silence my two kids (no real problem, they love to get dad's goat), my good friend, Rick (he almost gave up the ghost), her best friend, Barb (This was easy, Barb forgot the moment after she was told.), my friend Susie (the object of the surprise), and Susie's sister, Louise (She lives in NC, so we rarely talk, except on Facebook.).
Dorothy started the big surprise on Father's Day by telling me that I was not to volunteer to be a docent at the AZ Capitol Museum on Mon-Thurs of next week. We were going away, but she would not tell me where. My kids faked cluelessness (hard for them), so I gave up trying to find out what the surprise was.
Yesterday I decided to clean the garage and straighten it up. We are having some friends from Hoopeston over on Saturday, and I wanted my garage clean in case we end up there. (Many nights in Hoopeston were spent in the garage sitting around). About half an hour into my task, Dorothy decides that she will help because she, "doesn't want me to get overcome by heat." (At 8AM it was already 90.) Then, out of the blue, my son calls and offers to have me go with him and get his new Iphone4, then he enticed me with the offer of a free lunch at my favorite Greek place, "The Greek Pita" on Thunderbird, just one block west of I-17. (did you get the advertisement for them? I lost my wallet there, and Nadia found it and returned it to my house!)
When we came back, I went out to the patio to get my regular glasses, and sitting there was Susie Dayton, the person who had edited my book, and a good friend whom I have not seen in about 40 years! My wife had arranged for her to come to the valley, spend a week with us, and just hang!
This began me thinking about friends, loves, yesterday. So, during the next couple articles, those topics will be my focus.
Doughnut
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Work Hard For the Comps
The "work" day is going well. I put the word work in quotations, because it seems that writers sometimes get no respect for what they do. I mean, my family gives me heck about sitting around the house all day in my BVDs and staring at the ceiling or the water in the pool. But I am constantly working.....
Since my book, "Growing Up Doughnut" was released about a month ago, I have done less writing and thinking and more talking on the phone. Don't get me wrong, I love talking (as you may well remember) and the sound of my own voice sometimes mesmerizes me into a state of self-importance. But since my efforts at marketing are going along bumpily ( I get more no's than yes's) I need to find time to write and think more.
The book marketing is an entity on its own, and I am sure that if I had an agent, that person would be doing this for their percentage of the $1.77 cent royalty I get on each book. There is mailing costs to promoters and book buyers, bookstores, reviewers, TV stations, radio outlets, as well as family and friends. Shy of taking out a full page ad in a major paper, or even a half page advertisement, this marketing stuff is tough. And expensive.
I need a doughnut shop to step up and say, "We'll sponsor you, Doughnut!" and give me some cash to be their spokesperson. I need a major morning news show like "Today" to call (Channel 3, WCIA TV in Champaign, IL has booked me already!), or even "Ellen" or "Oprah" to take notice. My peeps are getting the word out now, and maybe Barnes and Noble or TARGET will carry the book! Wouldn't that be a hoot! I could be on a TARGET ad with a big red dot on my face... or a doughnut hole in the dot... Wait! I know! Sam's Club! I could do a whirl wind tour of Sam's Clubs and do autographs.....Ken Levine needs to read my book and contact me about turning it into a situation comedy...Maybe Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady could use the book to do for doughnuts what they did for nerds in "Big Bang Theory!"
I can see it now... Pulitzer, Emmy, Oscar; all the biggies. But you know, the accolades I love the most? The ones I get from .....
JERKY AND THE CORNJERKER NATION!
Doughnut
Since my book, "Growing Up Doughnut" was released about a month ago, I have done less writing and thinking and more talking on the phone. Don't get me wrong, I love talking (as you may well remember) and the sound of my own voice sometimes mesmerizes me into a state of self-importance. But since my efforts at marketing are going along bumpily ( I get more no's than yes's) I need to find time to write and think more.
The book marketing is an entity on its own, and I am sure that if I had an agent, that person would be doing this for their percentage of the $1.77 cent royalty I get on each book. There is mailing costs to promoters and book buyers, bookstores, reviewers, TV stations, radio outlets, as well as family and friends. Shy of taking out a full page ad in a major paper, or even a half page advertisement, this marketing stuff is tough. And expensive.
I need a doughnut shop to step up and say, "We'll sponsor you, Doughnut!" and give me some cash to be their spokesperson. I need a major morning news show like "Today" to call (Channel 3, WCIA TV in Champaign, IL has booked me already!), or even "Ellen" or "Oprah" to take notice. My peeps are getting the word out now, and maybe Barnes and Noble or TARGET will carry the book! Wouldn't that be a hoot! I could be on a TARGET ad with a big red dot on my face... or a doughnut hole in the dot... Wait! I know! Sam's Club! I could do a whirl wind tour of Sam's Clubs and do autographs.....Ken Levine needs to read my book and contact me about turning it into a situation comedy...Maybe Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady could use the book to do for doughnuts what they did for nerds in "Big Bang Theory!"
I can see it now... Pulitzer, Emmy, Oscar; all the biggies. But you know, the accolades I love the most? The ones I get from .....
JERKY AND THE CORNJERKER NATION!
Doughnut
Monday, June 21, 2010
Father's Day Meatfest
Yesterday was Father's Day, and my children (both grown to adulthood now) took the old man out to eat. My wife did not come along, it was just the three of us. Dorothy is not a big eater, and this restaurant we went to deals with serving their guests copious ( in my daughter's words) amounts of meat.
The establishment was named FOGO de CHAO in Scottsdale. This restaurant bills itself as a Brazilian Churbrascaria, which roughly translated is Portuguese for BBQ.
I knew I was in for a dining delight when I walked into the restaurant and saw large beef ribs on spits in the front window! These ribs were skewered and rotating on spits horizonatally with the juices running into a pan. The fire was not under the skewers, but rather the ribs were in a circle around it! The skewers and fire were about 3 feet high, and I could easily look at them without bending over.
When we sat down, we were cautioned by the waiter to not indulge too much in the salad bar, or we would miss out on a rare dining experience. This gaucho knew his stuff!
Here is the deal... guys with skewers holding different kinds of meat walk around the dining room and ask guests if they want some meat. Now there are 13 different kinds of meat, and each skewer is about a yard long. (Think of it as a "yard o' Meat"). Each diner has a card that is red on one side and green on the other. When the red is up, you are saying "No meat"; when the green is up, you are shouting, "Come here and cut me some animal flesh!" And they do!
The gauchos bring the meat to your table, and cut it right off the skewer and lay it on your plate. Not just one gauch, but all of them come by your table until you turn the card over to RED! Chicken, pork, lamb, beef, sausage, chicken wrapped with bacon, beef wrapped in piggy, chicken on a stick, ribeye, sirloin, and Little Bo Peep all brought to you for your gorging pleasure.
In addition, you get potatoes, something that I can't spell or pronounce, and glazed bananas.
We ate for over two hours! I was so full when I got home, that my buttons on my pants were straining and my belt was cutting into my already large belly. But what an experience!
Some Dads get ties, some golf clubs, some socks.... but my kids know their Daddy! I won't have to eat for a day....
Doughnut
The establishment was named FOGO de CHAO in Scottsdale. This restaurant bills itself as a Brazilian Churbrascaria, which roughly translated is Portuguese for BBQ.
I knew I was in for a dining delight when I walked into the restaurant and saw large beef ribs on spits in the front window! These ribs were skewered and rotating on spits horizonatally with the juices running into a pan. The fire was not under the skewers, but rather the ribs were in a circle around it! The skewers and fire were about 3 feet high, and I could easily look at them without bending over.
When we sat down, we were cautioned by the waiter to not indulge too much in the salad bar, or we would miss out on a rare dining experience. This gaucho knew his stuff!
Here is the deal... guys with skewers holding different kinds of meat walk around the dining room and ask guests if they want some meat. Now there are 13 different kinds of meat, and each skewer is about a yard long. (Think of it as a "yard o' Meat"). Each diner has a card that is red on one side and green on the other. When the red is up, you are saying "No meat"; when the green is up, you are shouting, "Come here and cut me some animal flesh!" And they do!
The gauchos bring the meat to your table, and cut it right off the skewer and lay it on your plate. Not just one gauch, but all of them come by your table until you turn the card over to RED! Chicken, pork, lamb, beef, sausage, chicken wrapped with bacon, beef wrapped in piggy, chicken on a stick, ribeye, sirloin, and Little Bo Peep all brought to you for your gorging pleasure.
In addition, you get potatoes, something that I can't spell or pronounce, and glazed bananas.
We ate for over two hours! I was so full when I got home, that my buttons on my pants were straining and my belt was cutting into my already large belly. But what an experience!
Some Dads get ties, some golf clubs, some socks.... but my kids know their Daddy! I won't have to eat for a day....
Doughnut
Monday, June 7, 2010
Marriage Advice for Jehan
Where has time gone? It seems like yesterday that I wrote on this blog. By now, I imagine, most of my loyal following are worried (?) about me and wonder (?) of my whereabouts and possibly are concerned (?) about my physical well-being.
Not to fear, though, I am alive and well in the Nation's Capitol! The president asked me to surreptiously come to the DC to give hime advice on how to handle crisis, and to possibly to get the Baltimore Orioles on the winning track. He saw, however, that opinions are like sphincters...everybody has one, and most smell. The Orioles, I am afraid, are hopeless this year.
I have found out here, though, a friend in a three year old chocolate lab named Ella. Ella is the dog of my "nephew" Jehan and his new wife Lyndsey, the real reason I came to DC. They got married last weekend in a beautiful ceremony in the Visual Arts Museum in Baltimore, just off the Inner Harbor. The reception was there, also.
While at the ceremony, I found myself tearing up. Not because it was sad (It was a beautiful ceremony) but rather because I found myself reflecting on my own marriage. I wasn't crying because I have had very happy, marriage for 35 years to a wonderful woman.
I tried to give Jehan some advice for his marriage. (1) Always remember--- What is hers is hers, and what is yours is, well, hers. (2) When you first get up in the morning, tell her, "You are beautiful, and Ilove you." When you go to bed, tell, "You are beautiful and I love you." And at least three time during the day, say, "I love you." and give her a kiss and a hug. (Even if she does not want it,)
Finally, like Ella, rub her belly once in a while, and she will be your friend for life.
Doughnut
Not to fear, though, I am alive and well in the Nation's Capitol! The president asked me to surreptiously come to the DC to give hime advice on how to handle crisis, and to possibly to get the Baltimore Orioles on the winning track. He saw, however, that opinions are like sphincters...everybody has one, and most smell. The Orioles, I am afraid, are hopeless this year.
I have found out here, though, a friend in a three year old chocolate lab named Ella. Ella is the dog of my "nephew" Jehan and his new wife Lyndsey, the real reason I came to DC. They got married last weekend in a beautiful ceremony in the Visual Arts Museum in Baltimore, just off the Inner Harbor. The reception was there, also.
While at the ceremony, I found myself tearing up. Not because it was sad (It was a beautiful ceremony) but rather because I found myself reflecting on my own marriage. I wasn't crying because I have had very happy, marriage for 35 years to a wonderful woman.
I tried to give Jehan some advice for his marriage. (1) Always remember--- What is hers is hers, and what is yours is, well, hers. (2) When you first get up in the morning, tell her, "You are beautiful, and Ilove you." When you go to bed, tell, "You are beautiful and I love you." And at least three time during the day, say, "I love you." and give her a kiss and a hug. (Even if she does not want it,)
Finally, like Ella, rub her belly once in a while, and she will be your friend for life.
Doughnut
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