Buffets

Buffets seem to be a fat guy's friend. I mean, I love a good buffet and it loves me back. Places like Old Country Buffet, and Home Buffet and all pizza buffets lose money when I roll up to their front door and belly up to the bar. They are a study in American over-indulgence.

Buffets at casinos blind side people. Gamblers expect to get excellent food, and there it is. All kinds of food. American, Spanish, Italian, even Thai and Chinese. Once they have lost money at the tables and the one armed bandits, waist lines can be expanded by paying one price and tasting many different dishes from many different lands. Pizza buffets usually give patrons one to three different kinds, then expect then to fill up salads. I bypass the salad section in favor of the doughy delights covered with meats and even some vegetables. To hell with fiber and dietary concerns.

People act like they are participants in eating contests, and eating can become a full contact sport. I have seen people push others in line out of the way just to get that whisp of potatoes. And heaven forbid that the meat carver should take a break!

One thing I have always noticed about buffets. Large people get tables close to the line so they don't have to walk so far. This is probably out of fear of losing a rib on the way to the table or dropping a hunk of dressing and knocking someone out with it. Smaller people tend to be farther away and always start at the salad bar. They load up on lettuce and fresh veggies so they won't overfill with the goodness of the fatty foods. Why does one go to a place like Sweet Tomatoes, though, which only salads and salad fixings. To be sure, though, even there the number of large people fooling themselves into thinking they are thin is abundant.

One last thing to ponder and observe at buffets. My children noticed at a young age that invariably when ever they see someone at a buffet who has difficulty sitting in just one chair, that person leaves and gets into a compact car to drive away.

Surely the government could make money not by charging cash for clunkers, but requiring that every town have a buffet.

Doughnut