This State Needs a Colonoscopy

Remember the first Batman movie, where Jack Nicholson as the Joker looks into the camera and says, "This town needs an enema!"

It's time for the State of Arizona to have a colonoscopy done on its legislature. You know the legislature, they are the people in your state who sit and make inane laws that often don't make sense to anyone, even them. All states have them, but AZ seems to have one that is particularly inept and often does nothing more than sit and talk about doing things, but rarely acts. When the legislators do wake up and hit their buttons for a vote, one wonders if it is an eeeney, meeney, miney, mo process.

The procedure would be done to hopefully help them find their heads, which seem to be constantly up their rectum. This could help the body pull out its collective head and do something constructive.

Take for instance the recent decision to close state parks. If it does this, Arizona will be the first state to permanently shutter its parks, although the State of Illinois seems to be doing it on some sort of basis. Why is this decision not so smart? According to a report in the Arizona Republic, closing the parks will cost just about as much as keeping them open! Sure, it is a one time cost, but none the less, is this a smart idea? Paying more to close it and lose the revenue, than keeping it open and having the revenue? The state receives over 226 million dollars a year from tourists who use the parks, that includes instate people and the tourons who come here on vacation.

Heck, the lawmakers just passed a bill to raise 56 million dollars to build a training complex so the Cubs would stay here. The Cubs only bring in 138 million dolars a year. Now, which would you rather have, a great state natural park, or a concrete stadium that is used one month a year?

See what I mean?

This is the same state that cut funding for education and told its state police to cut half its force of officers (it then advertised on Craigslist for officers), and sold its buildings to the highest bidder, then turned around and rented them back. They owned the buildings outright, but now the legislature are tenants. Somebody needs to foreclose...

The governor doesn't talk to the legislature, the Legislature falls asleep during talks by the governor, and the people of the state have no place to turn.

But, on a bright note...it is 75 and sunny here today.

Doughnut

We're Not in Illinois Anymore, Dorothy!

Survived last night, although it was frought with trepidation and anticipation.

For three days the intrepid weather forecasters of the news stations out here in the Great Southwest warned of an impending storm of Terminator proportions was moving through California and into our state. Usually all the forecasters have to do is say, "Sunny today, with a high of ___________" But they earned their money this week as they kept track of everything from blizzards in the North High Country, and the Southeast Mountain Ranges to heavy rains and flooding here in the Valley. This normally desert weather pattern received four inches of rain, and rivers that never flow, like the Agua Fria and the New River, were filled and flowing. The normal tranquil Tempe Town Lake had to open its dam and let water flow... Roads that are built over washes like Mckellips Road will be closed, possibly until spring.

When we heard the alarms go off for severe weather on TV, we wondered what was going on. Just like the Midwest, they let us know that the unusual Tornadic activity could happen. Contrary to the midwest where when conditions become ripe for tornadoes a watch is issued, here they issued a warning. Good thing they did for the people of Scottsdale. Folks at the Russo/Steele car auction had some tents blow down and hundreds of thousands dollars worth of collectible cars were damaged. Dorothy and I just went to an interior room and read. (She read, I watched TV, something you should never do during a storm.)

My good friend Colin Flaherty called to let me know we were having a storm. ( like I did not know that) and that he, too, was hunkered down in his underwear in his house while an ice storm raged outside. I reminded him that most of my day is spent like that... in my underwear. (Too much sharing?)

Anyway, all is well out here. Only nine days til pitchers and catchers report. The rest report a couple days later.

Oh, Yeah.... My beloved Cubs are still coming to AZ for Spring Training. Mesa will probably build an 84 million dollar facility for them, and the team will stay for 25 more years.

Hope springs eternal.

Doughnut

The Toy

This morning, I had an epiphany. You know, one of those sudden ideas where the world and its meaning becomes infinitely clearer. I am a toy, a pawn, something that is worth nothing more than amusement to someone or something. I am an object that the Fates seem intent on using as a means to teach others.

How and when did I come to this sudden realization of my life? At breakfast, as I was looking through the sports page while eating my high fiber toast and low cholesterol eggs. Life became infinitely more succinct when I looked at the National League Central Standings. The Cubs are nine (9) games out of first place, and seven (7) games from being a wild card. It is almost September, and unless I have time traveled to 1969 and they are the “Miracle Mets”, it is over. Bob Brenly and Len Casper are bemoaning next year already. Once again, my hopes and dreams were elevated with talk of “the best pitching staff” in baseball, with conversations about great hitters and golden glove fielders. I went out and bought a new hat and the MLB television package so I would never miss a game.

And now, as usual, they are foundering. My dreams are shattered like a girl whose prom date does not show up to her door, but goes with another girl to the dance. The pitching has gone down the tubes AGAIN! And the hitters have struggled, the fielding has been awful and decisions made on the field are terrible. I would have been better off getting the Little League TV pass. At least then, there is drama, and the kids are trying their best without egos. I would just have had to listen to the parents whine there.

Who do I blame? Alfonso Soriano with that little hop….Milton Bradley who has trouble keeping track of outs…Fukodome who has trouble swinging while in the batter’s box…Kevin Gregg who has thrown more homerun balls than outs…Larry Rothschild who has once again sent more pitchers to the disabled list than any other pitching coach in baseball…Lou Pinella who can’t make a decision… WHO? Who do I blame…

The Bears are now beginning to play with me as we move to football season. That team finally went out and got what they believe to be a quarterback. They couldn’t coax Bret out into the orange and blue, huh? NO, but I helped fund the NFL package on my kids satellite dish so I could watch every miserable game on Sunday. I am hopeful, yet I know my heart will be broken by midseason.

All of these teams that I adore and live for (including the Illini) are like Lucy, and I am Charlie Brown. “Come on, Don, Kick the ball!” Then I know it will be pulled out from in front of me and I will be left gazing into the heavens as I lay on my back. Like Charlie, I am too trusting, and I still kick at the ball….The Big Dipper is pretty this time of year, you know…

But, who am I going to root for out here in Arizona, the Coyotes? They will soon be gone. The Diamondbacks? Lately, they have been an average Triple A team. The Cardinals? No, sounds too much like that heartbreaker from St. Louis. (Wait, they did start out in Chicago, moved to St.Louis, then to here.) The Suns? Amare, show me the way! The only team worth rooting for out here right now is the Phoenix Mercury. But stories on them are buried on page eight of the sports section of the Arizona Republic. I barely get my the first page…

No, I have always been a Cubs fan, so unless they move to Florida for Spring training like I hear they might, I will remain a Cubs fan. BUT…if they move to Florida, all bets are off.

I will no longer be their toy.

Doughnut

Baseball Is Life

I spent a good Friday night in the nose bleed section at Chase Ballpark last night. The game was a blowout as the Diamondbacks got killed by the Pirates 10-3. I felt sorry for the D-Backs who seemed to be outgunned from every position. From the front office to the bull pen, this poor team is going nowhere. This means that by the end of September if they are pulling in a thousand people a game, they should consider themselves lucky.

I stopped on my way in to the park and bought a program from one of those non team associated vendors on the outside for two dollars rather than paying the five dollars inside the park and getting the team propaganda. The magazine had some good articles in it which were not all pro-Diamondbacks, but the most telling item in it was a listing of yearly salaries for the Diamondbacks players. Since we got to "The Chase" early enough to get a good seat (there were only about 22,000 people there), I did some quick math in my head. (Yes, kids, it is possible to do math without a calculator.) What I discovered was that the entire starting line-up for Arizona, all nine men, did not make as much in a year as Steve Nash is going to make playing for the Phoenix Suns this year. And we wonder why Arizona cannot win? They are playing a big league schedule with a Triple A roster!

I love good baseball. Notice the adjective good...But right now AZ is not playing good baseball. They do not even have a manager with ANY managerial experience. They hired AJ hoping that his communication talents could get them inspiration. But, I feel for him. He is trying to make chicken salad without the proper ingredience, and is learning on the job, too.

In one of my favorite movies, "Field of Dreams" one of the characters says that baseball reflects life. Between the lines all things are equal, the great American game where people who work hard sometimes get the breaks and win, while others lose. There is no grey area. That is why people like sports. Sometimes it is fair and sometimes life is foul.

And like AJ Hinch, we take what we have and we try to make the best of it.

Go Dbacks! (No, I have not lost my love of the Cubs, but I need someone to root for in person!)

Doughnut