Liberation Day

Today is the Fourth of July! Later, I will be filling my pie hole with all sorts of All-American goodies, and then we are going to find some fireworks somewhere in the Valley of the Sun. But First, I have to tell you about my trip to Bed, Bath, and Beyond yesterday.

Now, I consider myself somewhat manly. I don’t go to strip clubs, bars or ride a horse, but I still know my way around tools and cars. Wait, I do go to strip clubs. They involve paint, though, not women taking off their clothes. Lowe’s, Home Depot, my local Ace Hardware to talk with the helpful hardware man. I love power tools, construction things, and thinking about renovation. Notice, I said thinking. I don’t do much of it, at least not that which involves knocking out walls or driving dump loaders. I just about do anything else, though. A man that can’t handle tools, just isn’t a man.

So you can see how my self image is somewhat embarrassed to go into a store that sells stuff for bedrooms and bathrooms and whatever else they sell. All I really need in a bathroom is a good high volume, increased height, flush toilet, a rack for some papers, and the soft, cushy, toilet paper. None of that single ply stuff for me. In the bedroom, a bed that I don’t have to crawl out of, about 10 pillows, and a radio to lull me to sleep at night.. This store, though, has all sorts of stuff that you might need. Bedspreads, sheets, pillowcases, little storage thingies for the brush after you clean up the toilet, smelly things to cover odors, brooms, mops, grill tools, you name it, it is there. It also has an aisle for “As Seen On TV” stuff! I didn’t realize they had a Billy Mays Memorial Aisle!

I swallowed my manliness and had a great time hawking products. I even bought a Shark and the companion hand held Shark, two Point and Paints, a new product that cleans the inside of my windshield easier and without any mess or fuss. I fingered the Ka-Boom, but passed. And my wife drew the line at a ShamWOW, even though I told her that it would help clean up all my spills around the house. She reluctantly let me buy all those things with her slate of twenty-percent off discount coupons, and she struggled to get me out of my new found play place. Did you know that you can buy the Magic Bullet there? Need a combination TV Tray, laptop computer table? It’s there.

And I never saw so items for bathrooms all lined up in nice, neat little rows! I now know why women are so attracted to Bed, Bath and Beyond.

I feel liberated!

Happy Fourth.

Doughnut