Doga

I have lived a good many years and my knowledge of the world is, I think, somewhat large. I have not seen it all, but a good many strange things. I mean, county fairs aside, I have been many places and viewed many things. The two headed pig, the cow with a window at its stomach, the bearded lady, the big water spicket suspended in air with water flowing are all sights which have amazed and astounded me. Heck, I’ve even been to Roswell alien hunting and visited "The Thing" in New Mexico. But the article in the Arizona Republic the other day about a new service that is being offered to dog owners just astounded me. Surely it is a sign of the Apocalypse.

Doga….Yes, Doga…Yoga for dogs. A new service that helps owners relax their dogs. Doga hopes to make the dogs less excitable, more in shape, and more fun. Utilizing Doga helps dogs become civilized, more compatible and accepting of other dogs. Having a Zen dog is the “in”thing. Apparently just playing with man’s best friend and his favorite squeeze toy in the back yard is not enough. Dogs should not get the paper and your slippers, they should strive to a higher purpose.

Backyards and public parks are outdated. Disciplining a dog with a newspaper passé’. People actually pay to take their dogs to a storefront in a strip mall where they get in a big circle with other dogs and then each owner helps the dogs into a pose and holds them there for a period of time. These poses are natural to animals and promote good circulation and mental discipline, while the dog breathes in through its nose and out through its mouth.

Imagine if you have a large dog, say a Doberman, or a dog like Marmaduke. How does one hold them in a position? These dogs would be more likely to hold you in a position! My daughter’s Dobie has trouble controlling himself when I go over there. He is so happy to see me. I immediately grab his nose out of my crotch and move him into Warrior One where he pants in my face and tries to hold his nose about an inch from my face. When we work our way to the couch, he takes on the doggie lotus position and stares blankly at me until I rub his ear and coax him into dead dog where his head is extended off the couch, chin up; his paws straight up I the air and his eyes rolled back in his head as he waits for me rub his belly, This is discipline.

As I read the article, I wondered if these people really have so little to do that they have to resort to paying someone to tell them how to play with their dogs. Then I realized, it was not for the dogs, they were using the animals as an excuse to start a social club! Their poor animals were nothing more than conversation starters, a way to get a relationship started with another human being. Man’s best friend was nothing more than piece of meat that could be bribed with a treat and a smile, and then discarded to the back yard when the real action begins.

Doggone…..

Doughnut