The Day of Reckoning

I started a new diet today. I know what you are thinking, “He does this all the time.” But this time, I mean it! After going to the doctor yesterday and getting on the scales and then having him tell me that I should go to the local gravel pit so they can weigh me, I decided that it was time to get the excess off.

We discussed the possibility of some kind of surgery to help out; lap band, gastric bypass, sewing my mouth shut, all of those new ideas. But he said they were really for younger people and not for me. NOT FOR ME? Does this mean that I have lost my youth? Am I suddenly old, do I get to be charged less when I go to the movie? Halleluiah! Finally, I have made it! But this does not account for the backhanded jab. I mean this guy had old written all over him. Long, 60s hair, glasses down on his nose; I mean, if I am old, this doctor was ancient. And on top of that, he was 15 minutes late. (There was probably a crowd at the Golden Corral Lunch buffet down the street!)

So, I am relegated to cutting back. 1500 calories a day, he said. Hey! I have that in one pizza at night! 1500 calories? My God, meatloaf has more than that in the bread crumbs. Doughnuts are a “NO”; Whoppers are definitely out; the BIG BEEF BURRITO SUPREME will have to wait at the border. What is a fat guy to do?

I spent my “Last Supper” with my favorite friends, pizza and cheetos. I washed them down with a Diet Coke while watching my Monday night line-up on CBS. I never knew there were so many fast food commercials on TV! Everything looked so scrumptious, I was like my daughter’s dog, Akkadian, drooling all over the place and wanting a cookie.

So here I sit at the computer after having a hearty breakfast of 12 grain bread (It still had oat seeds in it), one egg, and two pieces of turkey. All that for a grand total of 190 calories. Quite filling actually and with the no calorie “Can’t Believe It’s not Butter” on the toast, I never missed the butter. Another thing I never really realized…How much my life revolved around planning my next meal. Now, it is my life!

1500 calories a day. Now I have to find a way to expend more than 1500 calories, if I want to lose weight. I may have to revert to exercise. (EEEEWWWW!)

Doughnut