My Kids

I have a wonderful and strange relationship with my natural children. That is not to say that I have other children how are unnatural, but these children that I fathered in concert with my wife, Dorothy, are fantastic kids.

They are not unlike other kids, they just grew up in a different environment. Their parents were teachers. Dad was also a coach in about a million different sports, and a radio announcer on weekends. They were raised by their mother for the most part. I was there for the conception, but after that, I cannot take too much credit for how they turned out. I used to say that the reason I had children was to have servants. As they were growing up and naive about the ways of the world, they thought it was quite natural to go get Dad something when he wanted it. A beer? No problem, I taught them how to use a bottle opener or a pop top at an early age. A sandwich? They knew their way around a kitchen by the time they started kindergarten.

I had this theory at one time about language. If a child is a "Tabula Rasa", then it should be relatively easy to change the meanings of things. For instance, a door could become a window, or a car could be a train. It would only take a little training and the kids would enter school with a totally different vocabulary than other children. Fortunately, Dorothy would not let me conduct my little experiment. She was, after all, an elementary school teacher, and she would get them before me.

Being around me when I was home or at the gym was enough. They quickly developed tough skin. I was not the easiest person to please, but they tried their hardest to do it. Jim played football and did music and drama, and was even in FFA for a year. Debi played volleyball, basketball and softball, and she was also in the chorus. They had to endure being "coach's kids" and "teacher's kids". I went out of my way to make sure that they were treated probably a little harsher than others were. I was not as patient with them as I was with other kids, and especially Debi endured my rath during basketball practice to spare the rest of the team getting yelled at.

But, we got through those teenage years. They probably did more raising of me than I of them. They definitely widened my horizons. I am sure I never would have listened to rap music nor gone to see "Eight Mile". Technology would have passed me by had it not been for them.

When we had these two whippersnappers, we were young enough to not know what we were getting ourselves into. We also wanted to have them early enough so we could enjoy them as adults without having to have them push us around or change our diapers. I can truly say that I have raised my best friends. Now that, is an unusual feeling and a pretty wide open statement.

I mean, why would Debi want to hang around with me after I relentlessly brushed the knots out of her hair until she cried? And Jim...after our "five minutes of say anything to Jim" in English class, why would he want to talk with me let alone let me cheat at golf?

Now we argue like to old people sitting on a porch. We use language to each other that mistifies my sisters in law. Outsiders would think we have no respect for each other, when in reality, we have a great deal of respect for the others. I have since changed my mantra....I no longer say "I had children to have servants," now it is "I had children to have friends."

I hope you experience the same.

Doughnut